


to be young and in love

by meijing



Category: UNINE, 青春有你 | Qing Chun You Ni
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmates, kind of... i mean i tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meijing/pseuds/meijing
Summary: he sits on the couch, curling up on one corner, before touching one of the bruises gingerly. a spark of pain flares up, and zhenning hisses. they look worse than they feel, but the bruises can only mean one thing.when shi zhan is stressed, he presses his fingers into his wrists so hard that they bruise.soulmate!au where you see/feel each other's pain ;-;





	to be young and in love

**Author's Note:**

> translated into vietnamese ([here](https://www.wattpad.com/story/191221357-tri%E1%BB%83n-ninh-to-be-young-and-in-love) or [here](https://city0f5tars0406.wordpress.com/2019/06/19/shizhan-x-zhenning-to-be-young-and-in-love/)) by [shinohara0604](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinohara0604/pseuds/shinohara0604) <3

 

zhenning wakes with a ring of bruises around his wrist.

 

_"don't worry,"_ the nameless face in his dream had said. everything had been distorted, shapes shifting and blurring too fast for him to recognize whose voice was speaking.

a gentle hand had brushed his hair back and tucked it behind his ear.

_"your hair is getting long,"_ the voice said again. it laughed sadly, and the hand on his face lingered lovingly, cupping his cheek. _"i guess you've been busy."_

_"who are you,"_ zhenning had tried to say, but his lips had stayed maddeningly still. in the dream, he had reached out and clutched the other close, tucking his head into the crook of the other's neck and squeezing their bodies together.

_"don't worry,"_ the voice repeats. the sound floats by, fragmented, echoing within the chambers of zhenning's mind. _"i promise everything is fine."_

the body had started to slip away between zhenning's fingers, like sand held in a too-tight grasp. _"i love you,"_ the voice sighed, as it, too, drifted away with the wind.

now, sitting in bed, zhenning shivers. his fumbles for his phone, and bites his lip when he sees that it's only eight am. casting a glance at changxi soundly sleeping in the bed next to his, he casts aside his covers and ventures out into the living room.

this early in the morning, no one else is awake. having just returned to the dorms four hours ago, zhenning thinks belatedly, any sane person would be catching up on the few hours of sleep they were allowed. but he had woken up with a sinking feeling in his chest, and the purple on his wrist stands in stark contrast to his otherwise healthy skin tone.

he sits on the couch, curling up on one corner, before touching one of the bruises gingerly. a spark of pain flares up, and zhenning hisses. they look worse than they feel, but the bruises can only mean one thing.

when shi zhan is stressed, he presses his fingers into his wrists so hard that they bruise.

balancing his phone between his hands, he bites his lip. he starts drafting a text to the pinned conversation at the top of his messages list, before hesitating. this early in the morning, the last thing he wants to do is wake shi zhan up.

he swipes back, and scrolls down until he sees-

_bolan,_ he texts to the only person who would be up at eight in the morning. _are you up?_

the three bubbles that appear immediately after he sends his message indicate that bolan is typing. zhenning breathes out a sigh of relief.

_yeah_  
_what's up_

_can you call_

_i'll call you_

when zhenning picks up, he can hear the sound of running water in the background. "are you okay?" bolan asks.

"sorry about that," zhenning says. "i'm fine, i think. practice went late yesterday, but that's to be expected."

"yeah," bolan says. "why are you awake so early? you should be gettting some rest." he sounds gently reproachful, and zhenning's heart clenches a little at the familiarity of it all. back when it was just the five of them, bolan would also be the one to scold them in the mornings, telling them to not play so many rounds and sleep earlier.

zhenning coughs a little, clearing his throat, and decides to get straight to the point.

"it's- shi zhan, actually," he says, softer, more careful. "is he...doing okay?"

bolan hesitates for just long enough for the sinking feeling in zhenning's chest to lodge itself, deep, into his heart. he presses his lips together and sits up straighter, worry bleeding into his voice when he says, "bolan?"

bolan sighs. the sound of running water stops and there's a soft thud as bolan, presumably, sits down somewhere quieter.

"he's doing okay" bolan says hesitantly. "at least physically."

"and the ring of bruises i woke up with," zhenning says flatly. "i guess that means everything's going fine?"

bolan exhales sharply. "he's been a bit down, recently," he admits reluctantly. "but it's not really up to me to tell you."

zhenning bites his tongue before he says something he'll regret. there's a pregnant pause before bolan says, in a noticeably quieter voice, "he's actually awake right now."

guiltily, bolan continues. "i actually think it would be good for him to talk to you."

zhenning exhales, taking the concession as what it is. "thank you," he breathes.

yao bolan sighs in response, and zhenning can hear him walking. there's an indistinguishable exchange of words, and then a silence that stretches on for a few dozen heartbeats, before-

"...baobei?"

zhenning closes his eyes as his heart skips a beat.

he swallows shakily. the sudden surge of love he feels is almost overwhelming, and he lets the moment wash over him. the voice in his dream is the same one that's now in his ears, which is ironic, because of course he would dream about shi zhan's voice.

"shi zhan," he says. "why can't you use that big mouth of yours to talk to me when you're worrying about things?"

he feels the phone vibrate against his ear as shi zhan breathes out a surprised exhale of laughter. the corners of zhenning's mouth lift up slightly, and he leans back into the couch.

"li zhenning," shi zhan says seriously. "i love you."

"stupid," zhenning says, even as his smile grows more private, more tender. his voice comes out soft and sweet, like spun sugar. "it's so early in the morning, and you're already confessing your love?"

"it's never too early," shi zhan whines in reply. "aren't you going to say it back?"

"not until you tell me what it was that was bothering you," zhenning retorts. "don't think i don't know what you're trying to do. stop trying to change the topic."

there's a pause on the other side of the line. shi zhan sighs.

"let me tell you, shi zhan," zhenning says, drumming his fingers on the couch. "i have another three hours until anyone in this house wakes up. if you don't say anything, i will wait here until you do."

he presses a finger into a bruise, lightly, and hears shi zhan's hiss of pain. "okay," shi zhan says. "let's talk."

 

 "i just," shi zhan begins haltingly. "i knew how hard it would be. being without you, i mean. how it should feel, how it's supposed to get better over time, but how it's okay to feel lonely."

"theoretically," he continues, "i know all of this."

he breaks off, sniffing a little.

"but shenshen," he says, voice heartbreakingly raw. "i miss you. sometimes i think of how different our days must have been, and it makes me feel like i don't deserve to- feel like this. i see the bruises you're getting from practicing your new choreographies, and i'm happy for you, i really am, but i want nothing more than to be able to kiss them better."

"i want to kiss you," he says, quieter. "i want to hold you under my arms and comb my fingers through your hair when you're tired. and i know that you're in other people's arms, and there are so, so many people that will hold you when you're tired, but..."

"stop," zhenning says shakily. his body trembles.

"but i have no one to hold," shi zhan says, laughing self-deprecatingly. "not that i would want to hold anyone else, anyway."

"shi zhan, stop," zhenning says again, tears starting to blur his vision. "next time you miss me, just tell me."

zhenning breathes unsteadily. "i miss you too," he says. "and i get jealous too. i see your photoshoots and get jealous over the photographer you're looking at. i get jealous over the smallest things, like bolan and mingze being able to brush against your shoulder when you guys walk next to each other. trust me," his voice breaks off. "no one is ever going to replace your place in my heart."

shi zhan laughs again. it's a wet sound, and zhenning's heart aches. in this instant, he wants nothing more than to be able to step through time and space to crawl into shi zhan's lap, to cradle shi zhan's face, to kiss his tears away and never let go. he wants it with a ferocity that scares even himself, a feeling that he keeps carefully locked away these days during group activities.

"i love you," zhenning whispers. "i love you so much."

"if i were with you right now," shi zhan says, voice broken and hushed. "i would kiss you."

zhenning closes his eyes, feeling the tears slip from his eyes. he kisses his wrist lightly, and feels shi zhan brushing his lips over it, too, a ghost of a kiss as twin tingles of pain bloom from their bruises.

there's a long silence. zhenning, eyes still closed, listens to shi zhan breathe.

 

"promise me," zhenning says finally, breaking the silence. "that you'll talk to me in the future before hurting yourself."

"i promise i'll try," shi zhan says softly. "promise me you'll take care of yourself."

zhenning laughs quietly. "i promise i'll try."

when shi zhan laughs back, the knot in zhenning's chest finally eases. warmth spreads slowly from zhenning's heart - like honey, sweet, slow, and golden. 

 

_i am so, so in love with this man._

 

half an hour of listening to shi zhan talk about everything and nothing later, zhenning slips back into his room. as he sits back down in his bed, he hears rustling from his left.

"everything good?" changxi asks sleepily, turning to face zhenning.

zhenning looks down, gently brushing a thumb over his wrist. almost immediately, he feels shi zhan mirroring his movements as his wrist twinges with a phantom touch.

the edges of zhenning's mouth tug upwards subconsciously.

"everything's good," he says.

 

**Author's Note:**

> title inspiration:
> 
> changxi sighs. "to be young and in love," he says dramatically, flinging an arm over his pillow.
> 
> "he changxi," zhenning says, rolling his eyes. "you are _even younger_ than me."


End file.
